Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
