I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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