Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
