So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
