Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize