Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
