do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
