fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
