I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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