you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
