I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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