OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
