so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
