So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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