69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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