If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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