I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize