Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
