Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
