No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
