Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
