At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
