Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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