I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need a sexual gate keeper
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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