he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
