I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
