he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at about main and main street
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
