Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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