this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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