I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
