OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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