Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
