There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
