i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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