I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
