wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
