I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
