i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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