I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
