Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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