even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
