It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Houston, we have a blender
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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