Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize