I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
