I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
