Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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