my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
