you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
