So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
