i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
