If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A bitchslap is in order.
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