I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
