creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
