I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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