no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
