Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
