six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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