I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm too high and old for this...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
