Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
