you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
