dude i'm inner monologue high
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
