Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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