She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
