Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.

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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(310): View more from California

Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.

Fav 38 3386 909
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(909): View more from California

Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.

Fav 6 1405 750
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(847): View more from Illinois

Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

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(214): View more from Texas

hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned

Fav 2 723 470
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(903): View more from Texas

What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?

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