my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
