Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Less talking, more tequila
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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