My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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