My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
