Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
