I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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