Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
