he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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