fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
