i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
