Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
