Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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